Jesus Only

I started this blog to share a little glimpse into the heart of my spiritual journey, in hopes that someone who read it might be encouraged or learn something useful. It's also a good way to chronicle the journey, so I can look back later and remember. But, actually, the main reason I started writing was because Jesus asked me to. He indicated that He wanted to do something really cool in my life, and sharing that with others was a way to bring glory to His Name. 

  But it's often hard, and my weakness is ever before me. The words never seem good enough, the thoughts never complete enough, I can never really seem to succeed. The process God is taking me through certainly has some high moments, but often it feels slow and painful. But, oh how I've grown! It's probably not easily detected by others, but God is indeed doing a mighty work in me, with still much more to do. He's given me a little more clarity, recently, as to what He's doing and I just wanted to share.

  I've been reading about this thing called radical surrender (also called true Love). The concept of surrender is nothing new to a Christian, but is it really possible? What does it really mean to give everything, EVERYTHING, over to Jesus? I wrote recently about the battle with self. Self absolutely must die before Jesus can take over. And He must have all of us, every single little bit. Make no mistake, this is an arduous process. It's something that must be done daily, but I also believe there is a first step of total surrender, the radical kind that goes against what the world says is "balanced". And it's precisely this that I have been praying and longing for: a relationship with Jesus so close that it's like you're one. Jesus reminded me that He is answering my prayer, it's just taking longer than I would like.

   First of all, Jesus has to get you to a place where you are ready to receive this incredible gift. And we can't do it ourselves. No effort on our part, no matter how sincere, can make this change in us. The only thing we can do is determine (choose) to serve Jesus. And even if we can't yet be willing to make that full surrender, we can be willing to be made willing. Then Jesus can do His glorious work of restoration in us. Ellen White says that "When Christ dwells in the heart, the soul will be so filled with His love, with the joy of communion with Him, that it will cleave to Him; and in the contemplation of Him, self will be forgotten" (Steps to Christ p. 31). Jesus has been showing me that I've been letting lots of things distract me. Not necessarily bad things, but distractions none the less. I want to put everything else aside and pour all my energies into making Jesus first, last, best, and only in my life. The other stuff will come, but my goal, my focus, my reason for living HAS to be Jesus only.

  I've still got a ways to go, but I just needed to stop and remind myself where I'm going and what I'm doing, and what is most important. I've learned that having Jesus as a friend, walking right beside me on the journey, makes all the difference in the world. It is Him and Him alone that makes it all worth it. There  certainly is joy in the journey, but the greatest rewards are yet to come, and once we get to experience them, I believe we will all agree that "heaven is cheap enough, at any price".

"let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. "(Hebrews 12:1, 2 NIV)

Arise, My Love

That Sabbath day must have been the hardest one in all of history. That Sabbath day while Jesus rested in the tomb. While all of heaven rejoiced because evil had been defeated, earth was shrouded in darkness and sadness at the loss of the Creator. Everything seemed hopeless. Seemingly, evil had indeed triumphed. The grave seemed to have won. He had given all, made the ultimate sacrifice, but in that moment it appeared not to be enough. Oh, but the glorious, glorious ending was yet to come! HE DIDN'T STAY DEAD!! He had already won the victory, He was just waiting on His Father's timing to declare it. 

   Early the next morning, just after the darkest part of the night had passed, an earthquake shook the ground as the mightiest angel in God's army sped to earth on an important mission. I can only imagine the excitement up in heaven as they awaited this grand moment. I love the scene as depicted by my favorite song:

ARISE MY LOVE

Not a word was heard

at the tomb that day.
Just shuffling of soldiers feet
as they guarded the grave.
One day, two days,
three days had past.
Could it be that Jesus
breathed His last?

Could it be that His Father
had forsaken him?
Turned his back on his son
dispising our sin.
All hell seemed to whisper
"Just forget Him, He's dead."
Then the Father looked down
to his son and he said.

Arise, My love.
Arise, My love.
The grave no longer
has a hold on you
No more death's sting
No more suffering
Arise... Arise... my love.

The Earth trembled
and the tomb began to shake,
and like lightening
from Heaven the stone was rolled away.
And as dead men
the guards they all stood there in fright
As the power of love
displayed its might
Then suddenly a melody
filled the air
Riding wings of wind,
it was everywhere
The words all creation
had been longing to hear
The sweet sound of victory,
so loud and clear.

Arise, my love.
Arise, my love.
The grave no longer has a hold on you.
No more death's sting
no more suffering
Arise... arise...

Sin, where are your shackles?
Death, where is your sting?
Hell; has been defeated.
The grave could not hold the king.

Arise, My love.
Arise, My love.
The grave no longer
has a hold on you
No more death's sting
No more suffering
Arise... Arise... Arise
Lyrics found <a href="http://phonelyrics.com">here</a>

Arise, my Love, called God to His Son. Come forth as the Victor and let everyone see that You are the resurrection and the life! Let everyone see the power of love at work.

   Those 3 days changed life for us, forever. I believe God offers a similar call to each one of us. From whatever tomb of darkness we might be lying in (maybe depression or anger or doubt. Or possibly loneliness, discouragement and failure), from whatever impossible situation we might find ourselves in, He calls to us. "Come forth my beloved one! The power of Love has set you free! You are no longer bound by the chains of sin, death has no more hold on you. Because of what Jesus did, because He loves you immeasurably, because  He conquered for you, the stone has been rolled away. Arise, my love. Arise from sin and shame and go forth in victory. Arise."

The battle of self

There once was a little boy who always took the biggest and best of everything for himself. Whether it be cake or pie or some other yummy food, he always raced to make sure he got the best. Well, one day his mother decided to teach him a lesson. She had his aunt make all kinds of delicious treats, but the ones that looked the best were hollow inside or filled with sour flavors. Of course the little boy learned his lesson and never took the biggest and best again. Sometimes I wish the battle with self was quite so easy to fight. Wherever you look, there always seems to be that struggle between our natural self-centeredness and the selflessness we aspire to. Then of course, you have the dueling "low self-esteem" vs healthy self-worth. On the one hand we've been taught (somewhere along the way) that putting yourself down is necessary to putting others first, or maybe that viewing yourself as "enough" is part of a healthy self-concept. Where is the balance? You've probably heard the saying that, just as the middle letter in the word sIn is "I", so self is the root of all evil. So, what to do? Well, guess I better just start trying harder to think of others more and myself less, just ignore my own needs, and put myself down. Oh, but then I feel rather worthless. Hmm, well in that case maybe I should be more assertive and stand up for my rights, reminding myself what a special person I am. Oops, back to being self-centered again. Ack, this is so hard! How can I get a good balance between talking care of myself and yet still being self- less and putting others first? How can I balance my self-esteem?

    Well the answer I've discovered as I've struggled with this is simple. You can't. In some sense or another, all the extremes I mentioned above are still focused on self. It's all about me and what I'm doing good or bad, how I feel, and how I appear to others. It seems to me that there is only one escape from this viscous cycle: to be made Christ-centered. Notice I said "made", because it's not even something you can do yourself. Christ alone must do it. All the good behavior in the world can't change a sinful heart. All of our efforts in this regard are pretty pointless. As Pastor Lee Vendon puts it, the presence of Jesus in your life simply pushes self and the bad habits right out of your life. Being filled with the presence of Jesus is the only thing that can conquer self. Another illustration I heard recently asked how you could get all the air out of a glass without shattering it. The only way is to fill it with water. The water displaces the air in the glass. Jesus is the water of life, and only He can displace the "self" in our life. 

   Make no mistake, we all know that the battle against self is difficult and daily. No one is going to get it completely figured out this side of heaven (least of all me). But, I can make the daily choice to seek Jesus - his friendship and presence - and to ask Him to help me learn to lean on Him a little more each day. The concept is really quite revolutionary, but the daily habit can seem unimpressive, and many days even ineffective. But never underestimate it, the power of keeping our eyes on Jesus, focusing on that relationship, finding pure joy and peace in His company.

Greater Things

I feel like the words of this song below express well the human story. God longs to give us greater things, things that will truely satisfy. But it often takes a lot of pain along the way. But hang in there, God is working on something beautiful and awesome. I pray for eyes of faith to look up and see God's "blessings in disguise".

We pray for blessings, we pray for peace

Comfort for family, protection while we sleep

We pray for healing, for prosperity

We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering

And all the while, You hear each spoken need

Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things

'Cause what if your blessings come through rain drops

What if Your healing comes through tears

What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near

What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom, Your voice to hear

We cry in anger when we cannot feel You near

We doubt your goodness, we doubt your love

As if every promise from Your word is not enough

And all the while, You hear each desperate plea

And long that we'd have faith to believe

'Cause what if your blessings come through rain drops

What if Your healing comes through tears

What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near

What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

When friends betray us

When darkness seems to win

We know that pain reminds this heart

That this is not,

This is not our home

It's not our home

'Cause what if your blessings come through rain drops

What if Your healing comes through tears

What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near

What if my greatest disappointments or the aching of this life

Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy

What if trials of this life

The rain, the storms, the hardest nights

Are your mercies in disguise

(Blessings, Laura Story)

Part 2 of Is Jesus Enough? (God answers)

Yesterday I wrote about the question, Is Jesus Enough? While pondering a specific decision along the same lines, God answered me in the following way, just thought I'd share:

Life is more than food, and the body is more than fancy clothes. Think about those crows flying over there: do they plant and harvest crops? Do they own silos or barns? Look at them fly. It looks like God is taking pretty good care of them, doesn’t it? Remember that you are more precious to God than birds! Which one of you can add a single hour to your life or 18 inches to your height by worrying really hard? If worry can’t change anything, why do you do it so much? Think about those beautiful wild lilies growing over there. They don’t work up a sweat toiling for needs or wants—they don’t worry about clothing. Yet the great King Solomon never had an outfit that was half as glorious as theirs! Look at the grass growing over there. One day it’s thriving in the fields. The next day it’s being used as fuel. If God takes such good care of such transient things, how much more you can depend on God to care for you, weak in faith as you are. Don’t reduce your life to the pursuit of food and drink; don’t let your mind be filled with anxiety. People of the world who don’t know God pursue these things, but you have a Father caring for you, a Father who knows all your needs. Since you don’t need to worry—about security and safety, about food and clothing—then pursue God’s kingdom first and foremost, and these other things will come to you as well. (Luke 12:23-31  the Voice translation)

Here are the lessons I gleaned from this answer:

1. No need to worry, God's got it all under control

2. God has proved His trustworthiness in many ways, one of which is His obvious care of nature

2. Not only is He going to take care of us, but take care of us better than we can even imagine (He's a great      Father!)

3. DON'T WORRY (it's pointless)

4. Since we don't have to spend our time worrying about the necessities of life, we can spend our time focusing on the relationship

Is Jesus Enough?

Sometimes life is just plain hard. It's usually not fair. It often doesn't turn out like we'd planned, and it seems like more often than not our youthful dreams lay broken against the cold, hard reality of life  on a sinful planet. But there's good news! We aren't destined to stay here. This is not home. It's just temporary. Life is indeed hard, but it's not meaningless and it's not hopeless. Some days are rougher than others, but Jesus is still the same. His love is constant, His arms are strong, and His grace is abundant. 

I think each person goes through a time in life (maybe several) where they have to choose whether or not to believe God is enough. When there seems to be absolutely no earthly solutions, is Jesus enough? When the ground shakes beneath you and the heavy winds blow, is Jesus really strong to save? Can He really take our brokenness and make it whole? The answer is an unequivocal yes. He is enough, whatever comes our way, Jesus is enough. More than enough. He is everything.

I believe God is asking me to share the ways He is working in my life as living proof of His loving care, and His ability to do more for us than we could ever imagine. Mostly I just see my weakness right now, but He has promised that nothing is impossible for Him. I'm inviting anyone who reads this to be a witness. Watch God take my weakness and turn it into His perfect strength. And know that He did it. Him alone. I'm certain it won't be as fast as I'd like, but one day this pilgrimage will be at an end and I can see my Jesus as I long to. It's hard to see right now, but I choose to trust and walk forward, resting in the sweet arms of Jesus, by His grace alone.

"Often your mind may be clouded because of pain. Then do not try to think. You know that Jesus loves you. He understands your weakness. You may do His will by simply resting in His arms." (Ministry of Healing 251.5)

Bloom where you're planted

When I was about 9 years old, my parents decided we were moving to the Midwest. I was pretty upset about this, but  I remember my mom found this article titled "bloom where you're planted". I can't remember the details now, but I remember being pretty moved by it. Basically this idea of letting God use you wherever you are.

When I was finishing up 7th grade, we moved again (back to the south!). Again, I wasn't happy about moving and leaving my friends. But God sure had some surprises in store for me. From meeting one if my my dearest friends in 8th grade, to all the opportunities and friendships I had in academy, to the awesome experiences I had in college; all huge blessings from God. 

When I was 20, God called me to serve him in El Salvador. The night before I left was one of the scariest moments of my life. I told God that I just couldn't do it. But He helped me and worked through me and blessed me beyond measure. When God let me know it was time to come back to the states, I have to admit there was a little kicking and screaming on my part. Noticing a pattern here?

Last year I decided it was time to return to overseas work. It didn't work out. I was pretty upset. But I grew a lot in that time, and turns out God had much greater blessings in store. 

A few months ago I decided again that it was time for me to go out. I had been wrestling back and forth with the idea for months. But again, it hasn't worked out, and I've been struggling to figure out what God wants me to do. For the moment anyway, I think I've decided that it's time to learn to bloom where God has planted me. I often feel like I'm in one of the hardest times of my life, but I can also say without a doubt it's  a time most filled with blessings and joys. God is so good to me, way better than I deserve, certainly. His love and care overwhelms me.

  I still feel restless sometimes, and I'm still not sure what I'm going to end up doing, but as I look back over my life, I see plentiful evidence that God has never left me. He has been working out His plan all along, though I'm often oblivious to it.

So I'm still trying to trust, working on focusing on my blessings, and walking by faith day by day. I want to allow God to use me, right where I am, right where He's put me. And I want to praise Him for giving me everything I need to do that.