The Day by Day God

Have you ever read something that seemed like a play-by-play of your own life? Or just read something that makes you want to shout "Exactly! That's it!"? I felt that way this week when I picked up a "random" (God doesn't do random) book at the library. It's a book about coping with MS (Multiple Sclerosis). I certainly haven't been diagnosed with MS, but I do have a precursor condition called MTHFR, and many of the same symptoms.

I still don't really understand how it all works, but the point is that I really identified with the stories in this book. It made me feel validated and not quite so alone in my illness. But it also made me realize that, like it or not, my life is different than it used to be. The future is unclear, but I do know that I can't ever go back and be who I used to be. Sometimes it makes me sad, angry, or overwhelmed. But at other times I feel very hopeful. The symptoms are varied and unpredictable. Most people don't really get it, and I don't know how to explain. But I'm learning that it's important to share with others, even though it can be super hard at times.

I admit, I really wish I wasn't ill, but all the same, I wouldn't trade the beautiful experiences I've had for anything. I've learned about what's really important in life (Jesus and people). I've learned how God's strength is perfect in weakness. How the choices we make each day matter much more than how we feel. I've learned the beauty of true friendship, and what it means to really walk through life with people. I've come to know Jesus in a way that I never even fathomed before ( though I long to know Him much more deeply). I've learned that living is not for the faint of heart, and only Jesus can revive the fainting heart.

My flesh and my heart may fail,

    but God is the strength of my heart

    and my portion forever.

Psalm 73:26(NIV)

Mostly I'm learning to walk day by day with Jesus, depending on Him for absolutely everything (read that: still a long way to go!). He doesn't mind carrying me, and He is certainly able. His love is unfathomable and unchanging. As His plan unfolds, I pray for the courage and grace to live each new day standing strong on the mighty promises of Jesus: loving others and letting Him work through me. I may fail Him daily (hourly) but He will never EVER fail me!